My Friend Died Three Days Ago

Yeah, I wanted to make a blog post about my dead friend. He died from cancer (I believe it was in his kidneys). He got cancer 2-3 years ago, but I never really thought he would die from it. I never worried about it.

When I first met him, I didn’t like him. I didn’t like him at all. I had met him through another friend, and me and him just didn’t get along. We didn’t like each other for awhile (although now that I think about it, I don’t really think he knew I didn’t like him. Like, I always remembered us not liking each other, but now that I’m thinking about it, I feel like, maybe, I just didn’t like him, and he didn’t even know).

Then we both went to my former churches Christian camp. We were around 10 years old I believe, and we were placed in the same cabin. After a couple of days, we got into a fight. It was stopped before anyting could happened, but in my opinion, we began to look at each other differently. We became friends.

Unfortunately, he moved right after that. We stayed in touch by texting, and he found out he had cancer. Unfortunately, we lost touch with each other right after that. I haven’t talked to him in like 2-3 years, and now I won’t be able to talk to him again. 

If I would have known he was gonna die, I would have done things differently. For some reason, I didn’t really think the cancer was as bad as it obviously was. Cancer took my grandpa as well.

This post is dedicated to my friend Xavier who died while only sixteen years old. I’m sorry I failed you.

The Funniest Joke In The Entire World

I found the funniest joke in the world. Here it is: 

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”
“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
“Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.
“President Obama,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington,” and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
“Pope Francis,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who  is that on the balcony with Dave?’

Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe Review

I just watched the Roast of Rob Lowe, and like everyone else that watched it, I did it illegally online and not on tv. You can watch it Here.

Like every Roast, it contained Jeff Ross. 

Jeff is called the Roastmaster, because he works in a Starbucks. -Jimmy Carr

 Peyton Manning was there. Apparently, Rob Lowe predicted Peyton would retire 5 years ago. I think, at the time, we were all hoping he would.

Wow, I just realized that I’m not the only athlete up here tonight. As you all know, earlier this year, Ann Coulter won the Kentucky Derby- Peyton Manning

Nikki Glaser (still have no idea who she is) was also there. I don’t know what connection she has with him, but I do know they must have been connected at one point.

Jimmy A. Carr … is what Ralph Macchio has to do to find a place to sleep every night.- Nikki Glaser

Ann Coulter was also there. I’d put a good joke she did down, but I can’t find one. Actually, I did find the one she made about Nikki Glaser pretty funny.

Pete Davidson from SNL was there. For those of you who watch SNL, he’s the guy standing in the background. The most screen time he has in an episode is in the beginning when they show the cast members.

Last year we had Martha Stewart who sells sheets, and now we have Ann Coulter who cuts eye holes in them. — Davidson


And, of course, Rob Lowe was there, and he definitely answered back.

“Peyton’s here tonight to show Zika babies it could really be much worse.” — Lowe. 

Now, I know there were other roasters, but above were my favorite roasts from that night. 

10 Completely Useless Items

​#10 Portable Chin Holder

There exists an item that literally holds your chin. Your chin just needs to rest sometimes. I actually want to buy one of these, because sometimes our chins need a break. They need to relax.
#9 Car Exhaust Grill

The Car Exhaust Grill cooks your food with car exhaust. If your driving down the road, you might want a burger when you get to your destination, so just put one in your Car Exhaust Grill. Hopefully the car ride isn’t too long though, or you might burn your burger. Regardless, the Car Exhaust Grill is useless.
#8 Shoe Umbrella

Sometimes you don’t want your shoes to get wet. We all like our shoes. However, we don’t need an umbrella over them. This invention puts an umbrella over your shoes. Your shoes won’t get wet, but it is pretty hard to have style with an umbrella over your shoes.
#7 The Pet Rock

If you don’t like animals but you still want a pet, then you should buy this rock. That’s all it is. It is just a rock that you keep as a pet. If I knew you could make millions by selling rocks, I would have gotten a different job.
#6 The Chopstick Fan

When your eating with chopsticks you need to be cool, so this invention comes with a fan. Basically, you get some chopsticks and put fans on them. It will keep you cool and you can enjoy your noodles. We all need this!
#5 Plastic Food

I hate when people have plastic food. Like, why does anyone need that? What could you possible do with it? You can’t eat it, and you can’t really play with it. It is the definition of useless.
#4 The Spork 

We have all heard of the Spork. We have probably all used a Spork. They are, however, a pointless invention. Why? Because they do the exact same thing as spoons. They might have fork-like qualities, but I can’t think of anything a Spork can do that my spoon can’t.
#3 Cat and Dog Clothes

Why do our pets need clothes? They aren’t supposed to have them, but for some reason people decided it would be a good idea to make them. Well, it’s not. This is actually a pretty popular invention but useless.
#2 Telephone Dumbell

Sometimes when your on the phone you want to work out. We have all been there. Now, you can work out while talking on the phone. How? With the telephone dumbell. It works great.
#1 Diet Water

I don’t really know how water can get healthier. It literally has zero calories. It is the healthiest thing ever. Yet, somehow, they made it diet. It makes no sense!
Well, that is ten inventions that are totally useless.

10 Inventions That Need To Be Invented

#1 Toilet Beds. Sometimes I just want to be lazy and not do anything. Why should going to the bathroom be the thing that makes me get up?

#2 Hover boards that actually hover. Those other ones just don’t do it for me. I need one that hovers.

#3 a pill that let’s you breathe underwater. You just take the pill, and you can instantly breathe underwater.

#4 flying shoes. My shoes should be able to fly, and they can’t. Does that bother anyone else?

#5 time machine. Wouldn’t that be fun. It would probably destroy the world but #worthit

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What Disney Princess Am I?

I keep taking buzzfeed quizzes. Like, I cannot stop. They are just too much fun.

I just took a quiz called What Disney Princess Am I Based On Movie Choices. I know Imma guy, but I need to know this.

I took the quiz and I got Snow White. I don’t really know what I expected to get, but it definitely wasn’t Snow White. It’s not that I hate Snow or anything, but who names someone Snow? Like, is that an actual name? Do people get named that?

Naming a child Snow White is like naming a child Rain Blue. Wouldn’t you hate to be named Rain Blue? I don’t know. Maybe some people would be able to pull it off, but I know most people wouldn’t like to be named Rain.

Anyway take the quiz for yourself here.

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